Oily Homer -- Strange but Fun Facts

• In the movie, "The Wizard of Oz", the part of Toto was played by a calico cat named Mister Wiggles. It took 3 hours to get him in costume and makeup each day, and a vocal coach worked with him on barking. Although his performance was deemed spectacular, producers and directors throughout the industry considered him typecast to only play dog roles. Disillusioned, Wiggles never acted again.
  
  
• In 1794 Eli Whitney invented the cotton gin. Shortly thereafter, he invented the cotton martini, but it never gained popularity.

Oily Homer Keeps Inventing

Products doomed from the start

• Tabasco® brand suppositories
• Smoke detector with snooze alarm
• Spam® Shakes
• Day old sushi outlet
• Factory second parachutes
• Amish Broadcasting Network
  

Oily Homer Goes to Disneyland!

Things you can say at the amusement park, that you can't say about your girl friend

• Yeah, $45 is a lot, but you get to ride all day!
• Dang, you wait an hour to get on, then it's over in 90 seconds!
• Okay guys, everyone go do your favorite, then we'll meet at the front entrance.
• No, I'm not riding that one again, last time I threw up.
• Remember, if you ride in the front, you're going to get wet!
  

Even More Fun Facts!

• Larry the Cable Guy was awarded a full scholarship to Yale but never received the notice because his letter carrier chose that day to go on a drunken binge and fed all that day's mail to hogs on his route. Larry doesn't hold a grudge.
• 
  Best known for plundering and pillaging on the high seas, many pirates of the 17th and 18th centuries were also skilled interior decorators and their talents often saved them from the gallows.
• 
  Recently an uncharted comet came quite close to the earth authorities revealed. They won't comment on just how close it came, but the scientist that discovered it at the last possible moment has named it, "Holycowwhattheheckwasthat".
• 
  A women in Iowa was home alone when she had an epileptic seizure. Her talking parrot somehow got the phone off the hook, tapped out 911 with his beak, and contacted emergency services. Unfortunately, his pronunciation of 'epileptic seizure' sounded like 'electric sea horse' and no help arrived. Stupid bird.
• 
  Historians have known since 1945 that Columbus' first trip to the new world actually occurred 2 years earlier than previously recorded. But because 'In fourteen hundred ninety / Columbus sailed the ocean blue' is such a terrible rhyme, the correction was never made public.
  

Fun Facts from Oily Homer -- You're Welcome!

• The dictionary is much easier to use now that they've invented alphabetical order.
• 
  In 1873 a Frenchman tried to circumnavigate the earth in a hot air balloon by floating above one spot for 24 hours and waiting for the earth's rotation to move the earth under him. It didn't work, but the next day, all his friends messed with his head by telling him it was the day before he left and for a while he thought he'd invented time travel.
• 
  Mothers with small children don't seem to appreciate jokes concerning said children and staple guns.
• 
  According to most film critics, Ocean's 1 through 10 weren't all that great. It's remarkable that the franchise ever got to 11.
  

Oily Homer learns History... Or something..

Oily Homer watches the History channel now and then, both for education and entertainment, and sometimes they overlap a bit. There's a show call Reel to Real where they feature movies such as The Longest Day, Tora, Tora, Tora, etc. Movies with an historical basis. Then usually after the movie they have a discussion with people from the actual event.

"And now, we'll talk with a survivor of the USS Arizona... "

But now Oily Homer is confused. I just watched Planet of the Apes on Reel to Real. On the History Channel. What sort of interview are they going to have after that?

"Please welcome to our studio, Jimbo, one of the original Gorillas. I understand you have some misgivings with the film we just saw." "I sure do Stan. To say the gorillas in this movie are a stereotype would be a complete understatement..."

And I just saw a promo that Star Wars is coming soon. Did someone change the definition of history and Oily Homer missed a memo?

God Talks to Oily Homer!

So I'm driving along, minding my own business, and as I come around a curve I see a sign in front of a church. One of those signs with the plastic letters so you can change it to say things like, "Weight Watcher / Bake Sale Saturday". Only this sign said, "Looking for a sign from God? This is it!"

My first thoughts were, Wow. You would thing God's signage budget would be somewhat larger.

Then I thought, I wonder if the crazy guy in the car behind me is trying to ignore the voices in his head, and he says to himself, Oh God, give me a sign if I'm suppose to start the killing again! And then ironically bad timing brings him around that curve. Ooops.

Oil Homer learns about Shampoo

Here is a conversation Oil Homer had with a Stupid Co-Worker. Names have been changed to protect the stupid.

Stupid Co-Worker: I just don't understand how shampoo with conditioner can work. How does the conditioner work in the shampoo?

Oily Homer: That's a good question. How does regular conditioner work without the shampoo?

SCW: You know, it conditions your hair.

OH: Yes, how does it do that?

SCW: It makes your hair shiny and manageable.

OH: That's what it does. How does it do that?

SCW: It conditions your hair. With conditioner.

OH: I don't think you're following me. What is it about conditioner that conditions your hair, and how does that happen?

SCW: The ingredients in the conditioner make your hair shiny. I don't know what they are, but they make your hair conditioned.

OH: So you don't have a clue how conditioner works, but it bothers you that it works in shampoo. Is that right?

SCW: You know what I mean, don't you use conditioner?

OH: Actually, I use the shampoo with conditioner in it.

SCW: I don't see how that can work.

Oil Homer gets healthy!

Oily Homer has been told to stop eating bacon and other good things, as they may be harmful. But not to worry, as tofu and soy substitutes taste just like the real thing. I'm happy to tell you that I completely agree. Well, I'm not actually eating tofu and soy, because I'm tofu and soy intolerant, but I'm using tofu and soy substitutes made from beef and pork and lard and butter, and they taste just like the real thing.

More Fun Facts from Oily Homer!

• 
  There is some evidence to support that the antelope was once the first animal in the dictionary, until the ardvark arraigned to have a second 'a' added in front of its name. Ironically, the lama using the exact same scheme dropped down a few places behind the lemur, leopard, and lion.
• 
  Before the invention of Lithium, most polar bears were known as bipolar bears, which may account for many of the unexplained Eskimo deaths each year.
• 
  Veterinary medicine has come a long way. 'Spaying' use to refer to whacking dogs with a shovel during coitus to discourage mating. This technique is still used in some cultures by disgruntled wives.

Oily Homer Fun Facts!

Fun Fact about Rabbits

• The Cotton Tail Rabbit contains no cotton.
• Rabbits get poor TV reception, no matter where their ears are pointed; adding aluminum foil doesn't help.
• 3 out of the last 10 Easter Bunnies have been Jewish.
• Severed human feet are lucky for rabbits. The reverse has never been proved.

Other Fun Facts

• You can 'Find Waldo' in any language.
• Being left handed doesn't necessarily make you evil.
• Flying around the earth at the speed of light won't reverse time, but it will void the warranty for the watch you are wearing.

Oily Homer -- Inventor

Well, Oily Homer is officially a genus. Everyone has seen those little printers that sit on your desk and print one label at a time. Now for something that's really needed.. The Bacon Printer... Let's say you're sitting at your desk, and you want some bacon... happens to Oily Homer a hundred times a day... but the Bacon delivery guy isn't here! Don't let that stop you, just press the button and out pops a strip of hot bacon! Mmmmmm...

Oh I know.. Naysayers are asking, what about the grease? Stay tuned for the Oily Homer Aroma-Therapy Candle!

Oily Homer Solves Energy Problem

Today Oily Homer sold the floor mats from his car and then put the money into the gas tank. Hmmm... the car is running on itself. Think how much of your car is wasted. How often do you use that back seat? Sell it for gas! Got anything in the trunk besides junk? Same for Oily Homer. Sell the trunk lid, or rent it out for storage. Do you really drive at night all that much? Sell those headlights! And as an added bonus, as the car gets lighter, you get better gas mileage!

I Scream about Ice Cream

Oily Homer mad! All the half gallon ice cream containers have shrunk to 1.75 quarts. I notice the price didn't go down any, so we are paying the same for less. Well, some of us are. I'm never buying one of those crappy things again. I'll get my ice cream at Costco in a 5 gallon tub and throw half of it away before I buy one of those cheater sizes.